Volume I: Badly-Written Dialogue
As an editor of fiction, I can say that probably 50% of the technical errors I correct are in scenes with dialogue, so naturally, I decided to base the first installment of Things Your Editor Hates on dialogue.
When writing dialogue, it’s easy to let the pace drag; it can also be difficult to force yourself to write conversationally. We don’t automatically write the way we speak, after all, because we grew up writing papers, emails, and text messages!
However, it’s easy for your reader to be pulled out of the story by awkward wording or misplaced punctuation. If it’s difficult to tell who’s talking or, conversely, the prevalence of tags breaks the conversation up too much, your readers will get frustrated and might throw your book across the room in a fit of petulant rage. That’s probably not something you wish to encourage.
Obviously, there are a lot of mistakes you can make here. Persistent errors in tags, punctuation, capitalization, and layout can drive your editor up the wall. They’ll also distract—and probably confuse—the reader (which, let’s be honest, is the real issue here).
Even with editing software, you have to be careful. For example, a colleague mentioned that some word processing programs will automatically capitalize anything after quotation marks (how dumb is that?) Here are a few of the most common issues we, as editors, run across:
Dialogue Tags
Dialogue tags are the “he said, she said” of the writing world. The two main problems most writers have are knowing which ones to use and how many to use.
Only an action that can describe the speech (said, replied, answered, etc.) can be used as a dialogue tag. Word choice is of utmost importance; while you don’t want the conversation to be flat, too many exotic tags can be extremely distracting. Don’t be afraid to just say “said” in your dialogue! It blends into the background while still clarifying the speaker. When you’d like a particular phrase to stand out or are trying to set a specific mood, it’s perfectly fine, even desirable, to use something more descriptive like “yelled” or “whispered”. However, if you’re using a different word every time, particularly an unusual one (I have one client that was overly fond of the word “hollered,” but luckily, he wasn’t married to it), the tags can steal the spotlight from what’s actually being said.
You also want to make sure you’re using the proper tags. If you use “replied” at the beginning of a conversation, the reader will wonder just who the character is replying to. Additionally, make sure the connotation of the word matches what’s being said. “Confessed” and “admitted” imply that the character is revealing something they’d rather not, such as something they are ashamed of, whereas “declare” and “state” carry connotations of blunt and/or direct remarks to which the character doesn’t necessarily expect a response. I shouldn’t have to say this, but just in case you were thinking about it… Do NOT use “ejaculate” as a tag. (The reasons for that should be obvious!)
Deciding how many tags to use can also be challenging. Too few tags, and the reader may lose track of who’s talking; too many, and the dialogue becomes choppy and hard to read. When only two characters are engaged in a conversation which consists mainly of short, one-or-two-sentence lines, you won’t need many tags—readers will know who’s talking without being explicitly told. However, if more than two characters are involved—or the scene goes on long enough to lose track—you’ll need more tags.
You can also use action beats in place of dialogue tags. A character may lift an eyebrow, laugh, or shift uncomfortably; when you mention this, readers will automatically assume that the next line (or the one immediately preceding it) is spoken by the character performing the action. Keep in mind that, unless accompanied by a tag, action beats shouldn’t be in the same sentence as dialogue. For example:
“Frank, come on. You’re being unrealistic,” she shook her head.
is incorrect. It should either be
“Frank, come on. You’re being unrealistic.” She shook her head.
or something like
“Frank, come on. You’re being unrealistic,” she said, shaking her head.
Punctuation and Capitalization
Dialogue probably has the most complicated punctuation rules of all. I most often find an abundance of periods where a comma should have been used. If you place a tag before a line of dialogue, you should always use a comma to separate the tag from the speech:
She said, “This is the way.”
If the tag appears in the middle of a sentence, use a comma both before the tag (inside the quotation marks) and after (outside the quotes):
“This,” she said, “is the way.”
However, when you are placing the tag after the dialogue, there are a few things you need to consider before deciding which punctuation mark to use. Is it a question? Use a question mark. If the character is shouting, you should use an exclamation point. For any sentence that would end in a period, though, you should use a comma:
“Which way?” she asked.
“This way!” he shouted.
“Let’s go,” she said.
Note that tags will ONLY be capitalized if they come before the dialogue.
If you have more than just dialogue going on, you’ll also need to consider how to punctuate the rest of the sentence. Sometimes, you’ll need a comma after a dialogue tag (she said, considering her wording carefully.) You won’t need them in every instance, though (she said as she typed); it all depends on phrasing.
A good rule is that verbs ending in “-ing” need to be separated with a comma, just as in a regular sentence. In the sentence
She examined the desk, running her hand across its surface.
a comma is needed between desk and the verb running. Similarly, this sentence needs a comma, as well:
“This is a smooth desk,” she said, running her hand across its surface.
You may want to consider using action beats instead of tags to identify the speaker. In our previous example, omitting the tag gives us:
“This is a smooth desk.” She ran her hand across its surface.
Even when a section of dialogue ends in a question mark or exclamation point (instead of a comma), the tag following it (if there is one) will be lowercase. Basically, treat it the same way you would any other section of dialogue:
“Is it like that every time?” She asked. – WRONG
“Is it like that every time?” she asked. – CORRECT
“It’s like that every time!” She yelled. – WRONG
“It’s like that every time!” she yelled. – CORRECT
For more on capitalization, take a look at this post about a client who changed my perspective on the capitalization of racial descriptors.
Layout
While issues with layout are generally reserved for the final proofread, inconsistent spacing and paragraphs can be very difficult for any editor to ignore. If you’ve double-spaced dialogue with no indention in one place, don’t use single-spaced text and/or indent paragraphs in another. Most programs have options for paragraph styles that ensure consistent formatting throughout your manuscript.
Here is a sample dialogue I made up on the fly:
“How do you think I feel?” she asked.
He sniffed. “I assumed you would be grateful.”
“Well,” she replied, “you assumed wrong.”
“Do you have any idea how hard I worked for that?” he asked, frowning down at her.
“It doesn’t matter—it’s not right.”
“I can never win with you!” he exclaimed, exasperated. “Every time I try to do something nice, you throw it in my face!”
“Maybe that’s because you’ve never taken the time to consider—”
He cut her off with a dismissive gesture. “I’ve already spent too much time on you. You’re so dramatic! If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I’m done.” He turned to leave.
“Wait,” she called. “I’m sorry.” Her eyes welled with tears, and she stifled a sob.
He paused, then said, “It’s too little, too late,” and stalked away through the trees.
Hopefully, the insight I’ve provided in this article will help improve your dialogue (and allow your editor to focus on your story—instead of trudging through mechanics!)
For tricks to help improve the readability of your WIP, read Volume II: Verbosity!
If you’re a freelancer (or interested in becoming one) be sure to check out Freelancing: An Editor’s Journey for some tips and a more personal look at the trials–and rewards–of freelancing.
Acknowlegements
I would like to give special thanks to all of my friends on Twitter who replied to my tweet with their biggest pet peeves, especially:
Rob Bignell (@InventingRealit)
Miko lives in North Alabama with their partner, Mark—two bright blue dots in a really red state. The pair have three cats, Henry, Louise, and Jefferson Twilight, and live the quiet and satisfying lives of two nerdy introverts. The work-from-home lifestyle is perfect for Miko, who was diagnosed with ADHD and autism in their late thirties.
In their spare time, Miko enjoys gardening, playing the piano, singing, playing JRPGs, Tabletop gaming, and (of course) reading.
